Reyna used books as an escape and a refuge. She was no
longer in ESL classes but still felt self-conscious about her accent and her
name and anything else that made her seem different than her American peers.
She fantasized about the lives of the characters she read about. She identified
with the mother of a book that featured a neglectful mother. Those characters
actually made her feel better because they had it worse than her and somehow
that was a comfort. After her heart was broken, books were there for her, even
when no one else was.
Books were also a window in a world she never knew and a
mirror of her own life. Through her mentor, Diana Savas, Reyna discovered books
with characters that looked like her and had lives that were similar. This awakened
in Reyna a new understanding and the knowledge that she was not alone.
Reyna also feel in love with writing. Like music, the
writing took away her accent. She discovered she was a good writer and even won
a writing contest in her school. She
hoped that this accomplishment would make her father proud, but “making my
father proud had turned out to be impossible” (p. 242). Writing became her avenue to higher education
and she became the first in her family to graduate from college.
Mago dropped out of college to pay off her debts, but then
got pregnant and got married. Carlos dropped out of college because he fell in
love and now had a family to support. Reyna’s romantic relationships were fraught
with her tendency in her youth to be attracted to men like her father – who did
not fully accept her.
Her relationship with her father continued to be violent and
conflicted but she ultimately was able to give forgiveness. Sometimes she would
think that when she was little, The Man Behind the Glass was a better father
than the man she knew. She has asked, no, begged to come with them to America
so a part of her thought she was getting what she deserved. It wasn’t his fault
that it wasn’t all that she had hoped for. After all her disappointments though
Reyna continued to want to please him and desired his acceptance of her above
everything else.
It took the support of one teacher to make all the difference
in Reyna’s life. She encouraged her, protected her and even lived with her.
Diana is a huge influence on who Reyna became – more like a parent than she’d
ever really had.
Diana Savas:
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