Chpts. 10 - 20
I
can only imagine how Reyna felt when she saw her mother, looking “like a TV
star” (p. 70) after two and a 1/2 years. Excitement, surprise, joy,
uncertainty, anger, shyness - probably all at the same time. The feeling of
being "rescued" by and reunited with this woman, who at some level,
was just someone in her memories and dreams, must have been overwhelming.
Furthermore, she met her 15-month-old healthy American sister, Elizabeth, or
Betty as everyone called her. Being displaced as the baby of the family had to
have had some emotional consequences and Reyna had to be reluctant to face them.
Finally, with their mother’s return, the family moved to another part of town,
to a place more desolate than where they had been living, but with decidedly
more love and affection. All of this had to fill her with a rush of thoughts
and emotions that a 6-year-old probably could barely manage.
It
seems Juana (aka Mami) had returned home because Natalio, her husband and the
children’s father, had suddenly left her for another woman. Juana had feared
her husband would leave her for a blonde-haired beauty, but he left her for a “paisana”
from Mexico who was a naturalized citizen of the United States. Mila was
educated and could speak English, while Juana only had a sixth-grade education
and could not grasp the new language. The separation was violent. Juana “kidnapped”
Betty from the babysitter and Natalio chased her down with a gun. The gun “accidentally”
went off and a bystander was shot. Fortunately, the man did not die but Natalio
was deported. He was back in the U.S. as if nothing happened within the week,
while Juana returned to their hometown in Mexico with Betty and a broken heart.
Of interest, Reyna talks about the
reason Juana fought so hard for Betty, to the point of risking her life. Juana did
not want another woman raising her daughter. I’m sure this point is lost on Juana
but struck deep within Reyna.
Reyna
also reflects here about her father’s intentions: Did he really set out to kill
her mother? These thoughts about her father further complicate her feelings
about him even as an adult looking back. She did not hear the full story until
she was a young woman, but the brief story she heard as a child created a
loyalty to their mother, if only for a brief time.
Despite
their poverty and their housing conditions, Reyna and her siblings felt more
love in that little shack than they had in years, unfortunately, it was not
from their mother. Not too long after she had her returned, their mother abandoned
them again, this time for a traveling wrestler who took her away and she left
the children again with a grandparent. Fortunately, Abuelita Chinta was not like
their other grandmother and was a kind woman who obviously loved her
grandchildren even if she did not have a lot of money to provide for them. The shack
was just a room with sections separated by curtains. Their Tio Crece slept from
a hammock suspended from the rafters. The children were still dirty and covered
in lice, but their hearts were fuller than when they were with their Abeula Évila’s.
The dirt road they lived on was an evening playground for all the children. The
community was safe and everyone looked out for each other.
Their lives were not without difficulty. In fact, their challenges were great.
Illness, floods, a creepy uncle and a lack of significant income made their lives
a daily struggle. Reyna knew others had it better, but she also knew some had
it worse. I love how she is able to be positive and see beauty in a situation
that others only recognize as despair.
School
was a constant for them and they were encouraged to excel. Mago especially had
goals to do well in school and become a secretary. Carlos alone was allowed to
miss school for employment purposes. Mago and Reyna were not. After Betty was severely burned and required expensive
medication, Mago was able to get a job working at the train station selling
food to passengers. Mago benefited not only in getting money but also by getting
to eat the leftover food that wasn’t sold. It was never a question for her to
miss. At one point there was an opportunity to squat on some land and only
Carlos was allowed to stay to protect the land. It was not only because he was
a boy, but because it was important that the girls go to school.
Juana
returned home again after she and her wrestler boyfriend had a car accident. Juana
only had cuts and bruises, but Francisco, and her way out of the “sorrow and
fear that threatened to engulf her every waking hour,” died (p. 121). Forced to
go back to the shack, she was a shell of the woman she had been. Betty did not
know her and Reyna, Mago and Carlos were cautious to be sure. After Abuelita
Chinta gave her a cleansing, she became more of herself.
As
could probably be predicted, their mother left them again. This time, just
across town to live with her sister. She stated that it was better for them
because she would not have to spend as much on transportation, but in truth, she
got to escape the poverty and the children. Juana was good about giving the
family money for food and came every Sunday, but four times a month is not a
lot of time to visit with your children. Reyna remembers that “my mother’s
constant comings and goings wouldn’t let me forget her. Instead, they increased
by longing for her even more” (p. 131).
Throughout
it all, the children idolized their father. They had not seen him in 8 years,
yet he was still this magical figure, “the man behind the glass,” whom they
dreamed about. They imagined how his return would be – “with lots of clothes,
and toys, and a brand-new bicycle for me” (Carlos, p. 105). If they doubted his
return, Reyna did not convey that. They had placed all their hope on him
because they had lost their faith in their mother. Reyna stated that her father’s
memory “had become a wisp of smoke” (p. 130) but she still thought of him as a
savior. On the night of her graduation after she was teased about a boy being
her hero, Mago said “Papi will be my hero. He will save me. Save us all”
(p. 140).
Their
father did return. Natalio brought clothes and toys, just as they
dreamed he would. He also brought his new wife. But he too was a stranger. The
children felt a range of conflicting emotions, much like they did when their
mother first returned. But the children also felt something they had not felt
in a while: hope.
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For my photo: Mago uses the song "Querida" by Juan Gabriel to try to explain her need to her father in a letter to him. While it is about a woman, "the root of the feelings were the same" (p. 140).
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